Tuesday, 17 April 2012

  • Of trust and rest, and believing God.




    “When we tell our stories, the truth about our lives – the broken parts, the secret parts, the beautiful parts – then the gospel comes to life, an actual story about redemption.” Shauna Niequist


    There are posts written that I can't seem to hit that submit button.
    There are jumbled and fragmented thoughts that I can't seem to tie together into a decent post. (of which i can partially contribute to pregnancy brain)
    And there are things I just can't talk about.

    Someday, I believe I will talk about those things. Helping other women find their way through the brokenness.
    Someday.

    I have been through some very dark months. Of being disappointed in God. Not believing His promises were truly meant for me. Of believing that He didn't care about my pain, my requests, my situation. He just didn't care. Of doubting and giving up HOPE. Of not knowing how or what to pray. So sometimes hardly praying at all.
    Dead inside, and feeling cynical about life. Weary. Feeling like no one understood. Nor really cared. Times of questioning my sanity. Of begging my husband for that dreaded and much-judged subject of "meds".

    But along with Spring, came spring in my heart and mind. And more healing in my heart.

    Without God I have nothing. Doubt and despair are killers and stealers. Of joy, trust, rest, and hope. Of Life.
    I still have many questions. Life is still hard some days/weeks. But He is big enough to handle my fears, my pain, and my questioning. So amidst it all, I will continue to trust, rest, and wait.

    His ways are not my ways. His plans are bigger than my dreams.

    He is God. I must be still.

    And if you, some hurting soul out there, are stuck in the battle, in the weariness of fighting to keep your heart alive...
    know that He does care. He does see. And He is working in ways we can't see.

    Sometimes we just have to let go and choose to trust.

    And in the letting go, He can do what He has been waiting to do.

    Be Still. And know that He is God.






    * * * * * * * *

    and some more pics........





    these two are my life.

    photo credits: moments by brittany

Sunday, 22 January 2012

  • Some days I think about giving it up completely.


    Blogging, that is. But writing makes me feel alive. That should mean something, right? I just ....

    I want to write about something [not heavy.] Something [not about me.]

    But above all else, I want my writing to glorify and reflect Him. Because without Him, I am nothing.

    How do you write about something that's not about yourself, when God has been showing you so much about yourself?
    And how do you write, when every time your fingers start itching to lay out all the subjects weighing on your heart and mind, they are ... just kinda heavy-ish?
    And you realize that all those subjects [might] bring criticism and judgement....
    Oh yea. I'm not supposed to let that stop me, right?

    And then there is all the "who are you to write" "who are you to think you have anything to say ... just look at you." ... among other things hissed in my ear. .... and I turn away from my keyboard one more time. Because after all, I should have it all together, before I have anything to say worth hearing [reading] right?
    Or maybe not? ?

    I don't know. I just know I need to write.
    Besides just in my journal, that lies quietly there, and doesn't talk back to me.

     = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

    “There are three kinds of pain. The pain of getting worse, the pain of staying the same, and the pain of getting better.”

    = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

    *Sitting at a coffee shop... sipping fabulous lattes.... talking about deep, heart things. 2 different girlfriends. 2 different days. Both in the same week.

    *Watching my baby girl play with her dolls ... dancing to the music .... singing "Jesus, Jesus" .....  all the things she does that give me a glimpse of her emerging personality....

    *My husband's arms wrapped tightly around me. Seeing him on his hands and knees, mopping my floors, to help make my bad day better.

                                                      . . . . . . . .  It's things like these that make this heart tick. 

     = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =









    photo credits: moments by brittany

Monday, 31 October 2011

  • music.

    Awake My Soul (Christ Is Formed in Me) 

    When I close my eyes, I can see Your glory
     When I raise my hands, I can touch Your face
     When I bow my knees, I stand before You
     And Christ is formed in me
      
    Awake my soul, prepare an entrance for Your glory
     And let my heart become a throne for You to dwell
     And when I need Your Holy Spirit, more than life itself
     Then Christ is formed in me
      
    When I lose myself, I reflect Your image
     When I break my will, then I am whole
     When I give my all, I find life everlasting
     Then Christ is formed in me

    This song is one of my current favorites...  It's just so my heart's cry. And it's so beautiful.

    * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

    and a couple snapshots of our babygirl that were taken a few months ago...  she is our sunshine!



Wednesday, 26 October 2011

  • {rainy day thoughts}


    I want to sing at the top of my lungs.
    I want to love with reckless abandon.
    I want to laugh more. Much more.
    I want to create beauty.
    I want to be vulnerable.
    I want to live in the moment.
    I want to be consumed by God's love.
    I want to stand on top of a mountain.
    I want to run like the wind.
    I want to be selfless.
    I want to be fearless & (God)confident.
    I want to dance.
    I want to have deep discussions.
    I want to share my heart.
    I want to hear something true.
    I want to know what is real.
    I want to feel the wind in my hair.
    I want to feel a thrill.
    I want to be pursued.
    I want to trust recklessly.
    I want to have a servant's heart.
    I want to bring Him glory.
    I want to make others happy.
    I want to live a life of purpose.
    I want to live loved.
    I want to LIVE and LOVE well.
     
    To be able to [accept] others, I first need to [accept] myself.
    To be able to [love] others, I first need to [love] myself.
    To [give] love, I first need to [receive] love.

    We look at others through our own tainted view (of ourselves)
    Through our insecurities. Through our (critical) view of ourselves.

    The fears, the unmet needs, expectations & desires that we project onto our spouses ... maybe even onto our children ? ... we need to figure out why those are there. We need to be willing to walk back through the pain, the darkness and all the ugliness that lies inside our souls. Because surprise, surprise.(!!!) Ignoring it, stuffing it, pretending it's not there, does not make it disappear. It does not bring healing. It only projects more pain & hurt.
    Because hurting people, hurt other people.

    Admitting & facing our brokenness is essential to our healing - It is only in daring to go there, in daring to allow all the negative emotions that are stuffed away in the corners of our souls & hearts, to surface, because we choose to do whatever it takes to heal.... and taking those broken places straight to the cross, and allowing Him to cover those wounds with His blood. It is only then that we can find healing, freedom, and wholeness.

    It makes my heart pound. It makes a fear and dread rise up inside me. But along with that is a hope, an expectation & excitement.
    Because I have made the commitment to do whatever it takes, no matter how hard, or how painful, to find that healing, and the wholeness that I was created for.
    The wholeness & freedom that Jesus shed His blood for. For ME. and YOU.  do you dare.... ?? [[i.double-dare.you.]]

    And sometimes, it takes other people ... other women {or a man - if you are a man} who have walked through some ugly/painful stuff, to just reach out and take our hand and help us through it. Sometimes we can't find our way, so God gives us people (and the Holy Spirit) to show us the way ... to walk through the pain with us, because we can't don't know how to do it alone.
    Sometimes He sends those people before we even know we need them. And sometimes, He sends those people because we asked begged Him to send "someone". (soon)!!
    And how I love the way He can answer those prayers. And confirmation after confirmation that He loves me. That His hand is working out every.single.detail.




    Source: None via JoLynn on Pinterest


Wednesday, 14 September 2011

  • because no matter what the enemy intends for harm - i am {{blessed}}


    The things that make me smile today. . . . . . . .

      ·      My sweet, adorable babygirl who makes me laugh.
 a lot.

      ·      A latte (or two;) made with my very own espresso machine.


      ·      Knowing that Jesus always wins. 


      ·      Kisses and hugs and sweet words whispered in the early morning light.


      ·      A yummy salad topped with salmon.


      ·      Getting a phone call from My Man & hearing the love in his voice. 


      ·      Texting my best friend ... and the knowing that we "get" each other. 


      ·      God's promises are true. 


      ·      Music.


      ·      The scales stayed the same, in spite of a cruddy week of indulging in hot fudge sundaes, the greasiest pizza on the planet, breadsticks, etc. 


      ·      Jillian Michael’s workouts deliver results! (as long as I stick to them - and clean eating- anyway;)   


      ·      Knowing that His plans are so much bigger than my dreams. 


      ·      All the pulpy, sweet goodness of Orange juice.  

    
  • Babygirl waking from her nap. (I always miss her when she sleeps)

    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    God is our REFUGE and STRENGTH. Ps. 46:1

     Thou art my ROCK and my FORTRESS. Ps. 31:3

    He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High, shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. Ps. 91:1

       JoLynn


Thursday, 08 September 2011

  • {{a new day. a new beginning.}}


    Mess ups. Epic failures. Haunting my every waking moment. Shame of who I can be when pain and fear take over my mind, over my actions and words. I become a different person.
    This is where I push everyone away. Even Him. The One who created me for more. So I hide my face.

    My head knows His grace has me covered. But my heart says I have messed up far too badly to be worthy of His love and acceptance.

    I want to know who He says I am.

    Because the enemy is screaming those lies into my ear. And I have listened far too long. Allowed that dirty devil to steal far too much from me. I have wasted way too much time and energy allowing insecurities, fears, and everything that goes with all that to control and consume me.
    I am done.

    So I made a list. To remind me who I am. Who He says I am. And I will repeat those truths {out loud} until every part of me believes them.
    Because what I believe about myself is how I live and act.

    Proverbs 23:7 NKJV
    For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.

    He created me for more. And His plan for my life will be carried out.
    Jesus died so that I can live an abundant life. He died so I can be free.

    John 10:10 NKJV
    The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

    Luke 4:18 NKJV
    The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, because He has anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and recovery of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed;

    Psalm 118:6 NKJV
    The Lord is on my side; I will not fear.

    Psalm 118:14 NKJV
    The Lord is my strength and song, And He has become my salvation.

    1 John 4:18 NKJV
    There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

  • {{How do you live loved?}}

         

    How do you live from a place of knowing you are loved? That as a person, you are enough. That you have what it takes. To be a wife. a mom. a sister. a daughter. a friend. Knowing that you are loved and accepted for just being you.

    I have Someone who loves me more than any other human being on this planet ever has or ever will. Nothing I can do will make Him love me more, and nothing I can do will make Him love me less. I am accepted.

    And how do you get past the pain of the knowing that to some people, you just won’t ever be enough …  and how do you become okay enough with yourself that others' words and actions don’t affect you to your very core - to the point of becoming your “identity”? We are slaves when we worry about what others think of us. When we strive for acceptance.

    And that is when we come face to face with that gripping question [is God enough?]

    The striving makes me weary. But with Him there is no striving. And I ask Him to show me how to {just be.}

    The journey of becoming okay with who I am. The seeking, finding, and becoming the woman He made me to be… it’s a long journey. One that I often get lost on. Sidetracked by the hard places. I feel like I am stumbling and falling more than I am walking or running. And I ask Him to continue whispering His truths to my spirit. Maybe eventually my heart and mind will absorb those truths. As I choose to replace the lies I have believed, with truth, the more those lies will fade…

    And the more I focus on His Presence IN me, the more I will live from a place of freedom and wholeness. And the more He will be glorified.

                     In grasping how much I am loved, I can in-turn love others better.

    And I can only be what and who He made me to be, when I realize that, ultimately, it’s not about me at all. It’s about Him.

     

    live in God’s love today....

    JoLynn

Tuesday, 26 July 2011

  •  - {{ guest post by Michelle Mast }} -

    I am quite honored to know this incredible lady and I am so blessed to have her as one of my closest friends. She is such an inspiration to me.

    ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *~

    Who is God? -

    If I would not have the Bible to read, Who would I say God is?
     
    If I would not have preachers and teachers, what would my belief of God be?
     
    If I couldn't listen to 'christian music" what would my praises sound like?
     
    If I would have been born in a country where poverty, evil and sickness is the norm, Who would I worship?
     
    Do I know God from my experience or just from what others say about Him?
     
    If I REALLY knew Him, would I not walk a little taller, Hold my head a little higher, sing a little louder, love a WHOLE lot more? Would I not give more, hug a stranger, laugh a little louder and be a little stronger?
     
    If God is who they say He is, why are the sick not being healed, blind eyes being opened and deaf ears hearing?
     
    If God is who they say, Why the jealousy , the hate, the strife and the envy that runs rampant among "HIS" people?
     
    If He is a God of love, Why the judgement, the condemnation and the accusation from "HIS" people?
     
    If He is a God of unity, why the many denominations, the thousands of different beliefs all from the same "Bible"?
     
    Where is the "POWER" that is to come with this God?
     
    Where is the "PEACE" that "HIS" children are to have?
     
    If He says His yoke is easy and His burdens are light, why do "HIS" children look like they are drowned in the sorrows and cares of this world?
     
    What is missing my friend???????
     
    Either you are in "The Kingdom Of Light OR "The Kingdom Of Darkness"
     
    My heart is wrecked right now as I think over these questions? Is there any wonder the world is running wild with evil if "God's children" aren't walking, talking and acting like Him? Who cares if we don't believe the same, Who cares if we go to different churches, Who cares if you don't go to church, Who cares if some speak with tongues and others don't, Who cares if some dance before the Lord and others don't?? It's time to lay aside the "silly stuff" and realize we are working for the same God and we are on the same team!!! When God's children recognize that it's not about my opinion or your opinion, but it's about putting our shoulders together and getting out there and showing the world "WHO GOD REALLY IS"

     

Friday, 15 July 2011

  • 10: [Q & A]


    i ask.
    you answer ;)

    [it will be fun.]

    1. What color/theme is your kitchen?
    2. Introvert or extrovert?
    3. Your favorite nickname?
    4. Do you prefer .... Starbucks or a cozy li'l coffee shop ?
    5. Favorite blog?
    6. Tell me something God has been doing in your heart/life...
    7. Baby-wise or Dr.Sears ?
    8. What is your current favorite song? or Bible verse.
    9. Tell me something you are especially thankful for TODAY...
    10. What are 3 basics you believe are vital in any relationship?


    if you want to answer these on your own blog, just link back to me or tag me && i will add your link to this post. :}








    photos - moments by brittany

    JoLynn

Wednesday, 29 June 2011

  •   {{Where is our focus? ............ }}

     
    I have a God who loves me infinitely... no matter how badly I mess up. And that blows my mind.  I can just rest in His love. How often I can forget .... with my sins and total screw-ups staring me in the face. Being shouted into my ear. Condemnation from the evil one.

    The lies that say I am defined by [    my stinky attitude. unkind words. unloving actions. that word that slipped. impatience. unbelief. carrying the pain & stress of life on my own instead of resting in Him. time used unwisely. etc, etc] 

    Then there are [    His] whispers in my ear - the truths of who I am {IN Christ}. That His love will never change.     That I am NOT defined by ^ those ^ things.
    It's not what I do. When my actions just don't line up with my desires.

    That's not what He sees. He sees my heart that is running hard after Him. He sees my longings to reflect >>>Him<<<< in every aspect of my life.

    And I am His beloved daughter. 
    [Beloved]
    [daughter]
    ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

    {{ The more our focus is on Jesus, the more His character will manifest in our lives.}}

    As long as our focus is <<sin>> .... dreaming up rules to "keep" people from sinning, etc, it will be sin that manifests. (we may be able to control outward actions, but that doesn't change the heart. We can fool people [part of the time] - but God isn't fooled)

    All the behavior modification in the world doesn't replace the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives.
    And all the rules in the world  won't keep our hearts from "the world".

    What if.... instead of putting all these heavy yokes & condemnation on people, we would point them to Jesus instead, and focus on loving Him more. Running hard after Him. And allow the Holy Spirit to do His work.  How often do we hinder, or stop the Holy Spirit's work altogether? Because we can't get ourselves out of the way. 

    "When we have more of God and less of ourselves, when we trust Him more and let Him do His work in us, and depend less on our own efforts - His mighty deeds will be manifested in our lives." ~ Rina

    JoLynn
    ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~



          








  • {{beauty after the rain}}

    my thoughts. my words. my journey. ~ join me as i wonder through this life - learning to love Him more. hear Him better. and hopefully {be} more like Him.
Extravagant Grace

beauty_after_rain

  • Visit beauty_after_rain's Xanga Site
    • Name: JoLynn
    • Member Since: 10/16/2005
Extravagant Grace

{{Quotes}}

In Christ alone my hope is found; He is my strength, my light, my song. ************************ I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13) ************************* As we live moment by moment under the control of the Spirit, the character of Jesus becomes evident to those around us ************************* Speak when you're angry And you'll make the best speech That you'll ever regret ************************ worry about your character, not your reputation because your character is who you are & your reputation is who people think you are. ************************ It doesn't matter what they do, what they think, what they say, at the end of the day I'm O.K. Cause Lord you get me ********************** Someone will always be smarter, prettier, funnier, and cooler than you. But no one will ever be you ********************** The most memorable people in life will be the people who loved you when you were not very lovable.

{{About Me}}

  • ♥ ♥ I'm married to a wonderful man... and mommy to the {{sweetest}} lil girl!! I love my sibs {fiercely}!! I have a heart for hurting ppl... can't abide gossip, judgmental/self-righteous attitudes an being lied to. Being a friend/person ppl can trust is very important to me!... I love ppl who make me laugh... I am on a journey: - of a total overhaul of my heart. - of [knowing] my Father-God's heart and His incredible {love} for me. And what His [amazing grace] is really all about... -He is teaching me [slowly but surely] to extend grace to those in my life. After what He has forgiven me of, how could I not?? ♥